I remember the times I asked the Lord, “why does it have to be this, why? Why did she leave?” Maybe He wanted me to realize how lucky I am to have her. So I did my best to win her back. My best. But nothing happened. I could have loved her forever if she only let me. She doesn’t love me anymore. I asked Him again, “am I not worthy for her?” and He kept His silence. I cursed Him. It was painful to the point I don’t want to love again, then I said to myself, “Don’t fall for any girl. They’ll end up the same thing.” From that time, I almost forgot what love was, the feeling of being loved. So many flings and bullshits. I broke hearts after hearts. I caused tears and no single fuck was given.
But one day, I felt a tiny little pinch in my heart, I saw a girl. A sad little girl. We talked, exchanged numbers. We texted. We shared the same story. She hates guys for the same fucking reason. She was dumped. Her boyfriend was too dumb to realize her worth. And again, I asked the Lord “Is she the one you’re saving to kick my ass?” I laughed cos I know there is no way I could melt that heart. But I said to myself that THIS IS THE GIRL. I promised myself I’ll make her happy. So I began to annoy her. Well, that’s my thing. I was kinda successful and hurt at the same time. Cos every time I annoy her she’ll hit me. I mean HARD. But it was worth the hit. Her smile, giggles, laughs. I loved it. Even her frowns. I didn’t notice that I’m starting to love again. Until the day she said she doesn’t like me back. But that did not stop me from loving her.
Two years and counting, until numbers can’t define its value. I will still continue loving this girl that made me smile and love again. I will still make her happy no matter what. I won’t leave her side. This is the only promise I am sure I can/will do for her.
Couple of years ago I fell in love and had my heart broken for the first time. I loved the guy so much to the point of believing that he is the one for me. He spoke promises and I ended up holding on to his words. But his love disappeared, he became colder and colder each day until I realized he’s gone, he left me hanging. He left me with an unanswered question. I kept asking myself "why? What happened? Where’d I go wrong? What have I done and did not do?” THE PROMISE OF FOREVER FADED. I was bitter during those times. Bitter to him, and bitter towards opposite sex. I was cynical about love. But truth was.. false hopes were everywhere. Deep inside I was still hoping that one day everything will fall perfectly on its right place and we will still end up together. As time passed by, I got used of his absence and learned to move on but haven’t totally gotten over.
Then all along my bitter journey, I met another someone in the form of friendship. I was very fond of this person. I remember my high school guy friends when I’m with him. His trips, the way he treated me (as if I’m not a girl), the way we talked, and chatted, and annoyed each other. I actually liked him (as a friend) because he’s not the pabebe type of a guy. He didn’t show me signs of romanticizing things and that’s a good thing for me because at that time my heart was surrounded by walls so no one could enter and break it again. But one day, tables turned; he started endearing me with “baby” (in an annoying manner), and he’s hitting on me. He told me he likes me. This guy also came from a failed relationship in the past. I rejected him and said I’m not ready to open my heart again cos for me all guys are the same. They will hurt you and tear your heart over and over.
But this someone did not stop from annoying me each day. He’s always beside me, irritating me, bullying me, being pa-cute on me, texting me, talking to me. Until one day I noticed that this someone has become a something to me. He makes me laugh with his jokes and lines, he makes me miss him when he’s not around. I realized this new someone has made a big impact in me. And finally I realized that the ex-someone’s gone and I am falling for this another someone. From my brokenness, he came along. When I thought the ex-someone stopped my capability of loving, this new someone came. Fixing me and reopening my heart once again.
I remember one time as I was watching Parokya ni Edgar’s gig, Chito Miranda quoted “lahat ng lalake g*go, pero pag nakita na nya yung babaeng mamahalin nya, magbabago yan.” I learned that all guys are the same, they will cause you shitty things, they will break your heart and tear it apart. No exception. Whether he hurts you intentionally or not, whether you think he is the one for you. But in spite of the heartaches he might give, choose to stay with a guy who’s willing to change for you. Because the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.
Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love. Two years of journey with this person. Two years of life learning and love learning lessons. Two years of togetherness. It feels like my heart’s been made new, all the memories of the past someone has vanished and my heart wells up with memories of this new someone. Two years.. and counting until forever. Til the things of the world can’t even handle the infinity of this love.
Falling in love is a cycle. A certain person will come unexpectedly. Just when you thought your heart’s closed, burned the key to the lock of it, and made it as hard as a stone, when love hits you, you have no way to escape. ♥♥♥